


Cake Baby 2: We're Gonna Need a Carseat

by just_yeole_cryptid



Category: Haikyuu!!, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Adopting said baby, Best friends going on a roadtrip, F/M, Finding a baby behind a gamestop in a dumpster, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Kozume Kenma is So Done, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, Nanami Chiaki is So Done, Nanami Chiaki is a Good Friend, adapted from an RP!!, best thing that ever happened to me :'], me and my friend came up with this after they found a plastic baby in a cake, potential angst, roadtrip!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_yeole_cryptid/pseuds/just_yeole_cryptid
Summary: Chiaki and Kenma both really just wanted to get Cyberpunk 2077, on the day of it's release... Little did they know they'd get something much more important. Now, they're on a cross-country adventure to find Jesus and maybe, just maybe, find themselves.Follow Chiaki and Kenma as they roadtrip across America, learn the true meaning of family, discover how difficult it is to raise a baby (let alone the antichrist), and find out just how far you have to go to escape the police!
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Nanami Chiaki, Kozume Kenma/Nanami Chiaki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Cake Baby 2: We're Gonna Need a Carseat

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii, welcome to "Cake Baby 2: We're Gonna Need a Carseat"!! Me and my friend Miku had a fantastic idea and decided we just HAD to RP and now this brilliance will be shared with the world! Welcome, and enjoy! Hope you stick around!!  
> ily Miku, *mwah* thank u for being my friend

Chiaki walked out of the Game Stop and sighed. _‘How do they accidentally give my preorder of Cyberpunk 2077 to someone else..?’_ she walked slowly down the path, still mulling over her lost game when she hears.. _‘.. a baby?? Why is there a baby crying??’_ she looked around, searching for a stroller before realizing where the sound was coming from. _‘Behind.. The Game Stop..?’_ she cautiously made her way behind the store, stopping at a dumpster as the crying grew louder. "Oh, no way..." she spoke to herself, chest weighing down on her with dread. She opened the lid, heart dropping as she saw a baby on top of a pile of garbage bags.

Kenma sighed, crossing his arms. _‘I can’t believe they sold out, when I was camped out all day.’_

He kicked at the loose gravel outside the store, walking around the back to head back home before he stopped dead. "What the..." He mumbled, turning back to face the store.

There, in an open dumpster, lay a baby. And in front of it, a girl, around his age. Against his better judgment, Kenma walked towards her.

"Hey, lady, did you just... Put your baby in a dumpster?" He asked, bluntly.

Chiaki glanced at the boy who had just spoken. _‘He.. Has pudding hair..’_ she realized she was spacing out, she shook her head and looked back at the baby. "No.. I heard it crying and I came here to check it out... this baby was just.. sitting here." She sighed, looking back at the boy. "Do... you know what to do in this situation?" She picked up the baby, holding it awkwardly. She glanced between the baby and the boy, doing a double take as.. she saw its eyes glowing..?? _‘Is.. this how babies are supposed to be or..’_ her thoughts trailed off, her eyes focusing on the now glowing baby.

Kenma looked between the girl and the baby. She seemed innocent enough in this whole ordeal, he surmised, from the fact that she looked just as shocked as he was.

_‘Hm… she doesn’t… seem like the baby leaving type. Especially because she just picked it up again.’_ He thought, before jumping, back, shocked.

"A-are it's eyes glowing?" He asked, voice a whisper, as if, if he was quiet enough, it wouldn't happen again.

Unfortunately for Kenma, glowing baby eyes didn't work like that.

Chiaki's thoughts came back to her, along with the panic that had been delayed. "Uhhh... What do we do..? The baby is glowing..." She gulped dryly, looking back at the boy for help, holding the baby further away from herself. "Are babies supposed to glow???" She could barely focus, her thoughts racing.

"I-I don't know? I've never had extended contact with babies." Kenma was also worried and confused, scooting back a bit. "But they're like... Mini humans right? And, our eyes don't glow. So... No?" He shrugged helplessly, offering her an awkward smile.

"Ah, geez.." she shook her head, staring at the baby as she thought on a solution. _‘In family sims.. You hug the baby when it’s upset.. Right? Maybe that’ll work..’_ she gulped, using this as a last resort as she hugged the baby close. She glanced at the boy. "Is it.. still glowing..?" She asked nervously as she lightly bounced the baby.

Kenma peeked at the baby's eyes. "N-no. Somehow, that worked. Maybe life really is just the sims..." Kenma muttered the last bit to himself. 

_‘I have to admit I feel partially responsible for this, since I also saw the baby..’_

"Um. My name is Kozume Kenma. And you?" He asked.

Chiaki sighed in relief, patting the baby's back. ".. My name is Nanami Chiaki. It's.. nice to meet you, Kozume." She glanced back to her dumpster. "What.. should I do with the baby? Do I take it with me, or drop it off somewhere?" She looked back towards her van. _‘Man… I just wanted to play Cyberpunk.. Now I have this baby..’_

"Nice to meet you, Nanami." Kenma said. "I um. I don't know if it's really... Acceptable to just drop the baby off somewhere? I sort of feel like I have some part in this so maybe I could help you take care of it while we figure out what to do with it or, why exactly it's eyes are glowing?" He offered.

_‘I really wanted to be home by now with my freaking game…’_

Chiaki nodded slowly. "I mean.. you can come along, I guess.. I do have to get some baby stuff now, so.." she trailed off, walking to her van. "My car is this way.. you can stay in the car with it while I get.. whatever babies need.." she spoke, glancing over her shoulder to the boy.

"Uh yeah. Sounds good to me." Kenma said, following her. "Um, I'll try and look up babies with glowing eyes on the internet. I don't know if anything'll turn up but it's better than nothing."

Chiaki nodded. ".. y'know, it kind of reminded me of Doom when they baby's eyes started glowing.. maybe he's the antichrist or something.. hehe.." she joked light-heartedly, unlocking her van. "..Um, can you hold the baby while I drive..?" She asked, hopping into the van, still holding the baby.

Kenma chuckled a little as he gingerly took the baby from her.

_‘Maybe there’s some merit to what she said..’_

"So, what do you need, exactly, do you know?" Kenma asked, trying to make polite conversation about the baby they pulled out of a dumpster.

Chiaki leaned back in her seat, pondering the question for a moment. "..I don't really know.. I guess I'll just buy whatever seems important.." she nodded, leaning over to start the van. "The department store is nearby.. right? We can just.. head there first." She glanced at the boy for confirmation, as she started to back out of the parking lot.

Kenma nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's about fifteen minutes away from here." He confirmed, lightly bouncing the baby up and down.

"We.. Probably shouldn't just call it dumpster baby." Kenma muttered.

Chiaki thought on a name as she stopped at a red light. "Uh.. let's call it.. DB for now." she glanced back to the boy as she started driving again. ".. Don't ask what it's short for.." she spoke, looking at the road ahead.

Kenma arched an eyebrow at her skeptically. "I think I can hazard a guess."

He adjusted the baby so it was easier to access his phone. "Let's look up what people need for babies, shall we?"

Chiaki nodded. "Yeah.. there's a pen and paper in the dashboard, just.. don't write over anything, please.." she shuddered slightly at the thought. _‘All those game tips.. I won’t be able to post if he writes over them..’_ she shook her head lightly, opting to distract herself with the route to the store instead.

Kenma reached for the pen and paper, surprised at the amount of notes. "Hey.. these are.. pretty good." 

Kenma slowly began penning down a few necessities for babies, careful around her notes, even reading over a few and mentally stowing them away for later.

"Thanks... They're for school.." she glanced at the boy, noticing his confused expression. "Oh... I go to Hope's Peak... that charter school in the middle of town... I'm taking a social course, I run a gaming blog.." she explained, turning with the traffic.

"Ahh." Kenma said, realizing. "I was wondering why you had gaming notes for school. I go to Nekoma."

"Oh, I've heard of that place.. my school sometimes goes to competitions with your school... How does our team perform, by the way..? I've never been to one of our games..." She asked, stopping abruptly as the traffic stopped. "Ah, geez..".

"Traffic sucks today..." Kenma muttered. "Um, your volleyball team is pretty good. Not sure about anything else. I'm on the volleyball team." He explained, gesturing with one hand, holding the baby with the other.

Chiaki nodded solemnly. "Yeah.. that's my main problem with driving.. it takes so long to get places with traffic." She leaned back in her seat. "My friend Nidai coaches all the sports teams at our school.. he wants to be a team manager.." she sighed, glancing at the baby.

"Oh, I think I've met him at some matches.. He's.. energetic." Kenma sighed, trying to keep the baby calm. "Do you have an iPad?"

Chiaki nodded, leaning back to see behind her seat. "Yeah.. let me find it real quick.." she trailed off, rummaging through the pile of devices in the back of her van. ".. ah, here it is." She leaned back to the front, handing Kenma the iPad.

"Thanks." Kenma mumbled, opening it. "I um. Assume you have Netflix."

He scrolled through her apps for a while before seemingly being satisfied and opening Netflix. "Sorry for ruining your search history."

The Cocomelon theme song started to play.

Chiaki shuddered as she heard the song, remembering the trip her class took to the daycare section of their school. _‘Toddlers are terrifying..’_ she shook her head, sitting up again as traffic started moving.

"Just trying to keep the baby chill. Kids like this, right? Bunch of flashing lights and pretty colors, it'll keep it's attention." Kenma affirmed, pulling his phone back out and falling silent, furiously typing. 

_‘Baby with glowing eyes.. First thing to come up is Doom.. maybe, antichrist?’_

Chiaki nodded. "Yeah, I know.. my class had to watch a bunch of kids at our school once.." she shuddered again. "...Be glad you weren't there.." she turned another corner. "We're almost at the department store.. what do babies need?"

"It's on the list.. um... clothes? Formula, bottles, toys, binkies, that sort of thing." His eyes seemed to alight on something in his Google search. "... We're gonna need a carseat."

Chiaki nodded, pulling into the parking lot and squeezing into a spot near the front. "Alright.. I'll be back in a bit, make sure DB stays happy.." she spoke as she hopped out of the car, glancing up at the boy. ".. By the way, there's a mini fridge in the back if you want anything.." she closed the door, turning and walking towards the large department store ahead.

Kenma nodded back at her, clicking through on the article he found.

_‘My god.. Was this baby a bad idea?’_ he wondered.

DB seemed entranced by Cocomelon while Kenma read.

Chiaki wandered around the lw get department store, slowly realizing she didn't even know if this place had a baby store. She sighed, turning a corner and coming face to face with a giant, pastel colored baby store. _‘Well.. that’s good..’_ she nodded, walking into the large store to search for the needed items.

Kenma grabbed a mountain dew from the back and opened it, taking a sip before sitting it down next to himself, going back to his research on the antichrist and promptly forgetting the drink even existed, absorbed as he was in the articles.

There was a slurping sound.

_‘Wait.. the only other person in the car is..’_

"Baby?" He whispered, turning with a worried expression to where DB was gulping down the mountain dew, Cocomelon forgotten.

Chiaki grabbed a pack of baby socks, throwing them in the basket along with the beanies and other general necessities. She had already gotten the diapers and stuff, deciding to move on to the decidedly more exciting section of clothing. She mulled over her day as she shuffled through a stack of onesies. _‘Well.. today I didn’t play Cyberpunk 2077.. But I did find a baby in a dumpster, which started glowing.. And met a boy, who offered to watch the baby..’_ she shook her head with a silent laugh. Her life was starting to sound so weird.

"DB please put the mountain dew down." Kenma pleaded, before making a mad grab for the can but it was too late.

DB had drained it.

"Ohhhh nononononoooo, please baby." He muttered, grabbing the baby and shushing it and trying to get it to go to sleep but to no avail.

DB wriggled in his grasp, fighting away from him and trying to crawl towards the door.

"No, no, no! Dammit, I forgot to get Nanami's number, in case we had an accident!" Kenma hissed, desperately holding the antichrist away from the doors, lest he wreak havoc outside the van.

Chiaki looked over the items in her cart, now needing only a cradle and a carseat. She approached an attendant, asking for 1 of each, walking away defeated when the attendant asked for which ones. She looked up at the large wall stacked with strollers and cradles, the carseats sitting beside them. She took note of a few that looked good quality, going back to the attendant to get her items. _‘Kenma should be happy he doesn’t have to be here right now.. All he has to do is watch the baby..’_

"Oh please baby don't open the door!!!" Kenma exclaimed.

If Kenma had gotten just a single line further in his reading, he would've read that the antichrist, can indeed, use telekinesis. 

The door handle began to jiggle open and Kenma let out a low, long-suffering moan. 

"Please, DB, don't use your antichrist powers to open the doors!!" He begged.

It fell on deaf ears, as the car door started slowly opening.

Kenma used one hand to try and pull the door back shut, the other still clutching tight to the baby.

Chiaki loaded her cart with the baby's new items. Stuffies, clothes, toys, teething chews, baby formula.. you name it, she had it in her cart. She stood in line, noticing the store across the hall. She squinted her eyes in an effort to read the sign, barely making out a few words. _‘.. Cyber.. 77.. Stock..?’_ She processed the information for a moment before a small smile came across her face. _‘They have Cyberpunk 2077.. Life is good..’_ she hummed contently as she checked out, quickly jogging over to the other store to get her game.

Kenma struggled against the baby, holding him back from opening the door. 

But to no avail, as the door swung open and the baby struggled to get out as Kenma fought to shut the door again.

"DB please!!!" He said, under his breath.

_‘Drinking the mountain dew was a bad idea, oh my god.’_

Chiaki walked out of the store, now the proud owner of 2 copies of Cyberpunk 2077. She placed them gently in her cart with the baby stuff, settling down in an empty elevator. As the doors shut, she thought back to the baby and the boy in her van. _‘I’m sure they’re fine.. He seems like the responsible type, anyways..’_ ' she thought as she started to nod off, shaking her head in an effort to stay awake.

The baby, nevertheless managed to wrestle free from his grasp and began desperately crawling across the parking lot, in a mad dash to escape from Kenma.

"DB!!! Come back!!!" Kenma hissed, trying not to cause a scene, but still, nonetheless, chasing a baby across a parking lot.

The baby hit its head against a steel lamppost.

_‘This is it.’_ Kenma thought. _‘This whole ordeal is over before it even truly began.’_

Instead of the baby dying, or becoming concussed, however, Kenma watched in abject horror as the lamppost dented, in the shape of the baby's head.

Kenma hurried to scoop him up in his confusion but didn't make it in time as the baby reached out and slammed a fist into the lamppost, out of sheer anger.

It buckled under the force of impact, coming dangerously close to crushing both Kenma and the baby, but by some strange twist of fate, it missed by a hair.

_‘Do I have.. Plot armor..?’_ Kenma wondered, although he didn't afford himself much time to do so as he, again, rushed to scoop up the baby.

Chiaki walked sleepily back to the van, looking up just in time to see a pole fall. _‘Oh… Well… that sucks…’_ she shook her head, opting to just go directly to the car. She had almost made it when she saw.. was that Kenma? And the baby? .. What were they doing? She pondered as they both got closer to the car.

Kenma approached, thankful that the baby was at least semi dazed from hitting the pole.

He saw Chiaki approach with the bags of baby supplies and sighed in relief.

"Nanami.. You're not going to believe this." He muttered, trying not to disturb the baby.

"Kozume.. what happened? Is the baby okay?" She asked, a slight worry showing on her face. She placed the bags down and gently took the child from Kenma's arms, noticing a long red mark going up the baby's forehead. "How did he get this...?" She glanced up at him, holding the baby closer.

"I-I swear it was an accident. I said you're not going to believe me, but I was just looking a few things up and then he-he chugged my mountain dew. I tried to get it away from him!!" Kenma stammered. "He used telekinesis to open the door, because, well, I'm pretty sure he's the antichrist, and then he was halfway across the parking lot, and before I knew it he hit his head on that lamppost-" He pointed to the one that had fallen over. "And then he punched it and it just! It fell over!" He finished, a bit winded, and incredibly nervous. "The fallen pole is proof!"

".. Huh. Life is crazy..." She nodded to herself, bouncing the baby gently. "So... DB is the antichrist..? ..We found the antichrist... in a GameStop dumpster..?" She looked up at Kenma, looking for confirmation before handing him the baby. "I'm... gonna set up the carseat. We'll... head to my place... then yours to pick up some stuff.. is that alright..?" She glanced over her shoulder as she loaded the van.

"Y-yeah. Yeah that's good." Kenma said, a little startled that she wasn't mad and was willingly handing back the baby.

He carefully maneuvered DB so the baby was sitting on his hip as he walked back over to the van. 

"Do you think we should like. Figure out a way to make him.. not the antichrist?" Kenma asked, watching her puzzle out how to set up the carseat.

"Uh... Well, if he's the antichrist.. shouldn't we just take him to.. regular Christ? Jesus..?" She stopped, huffing as she misplaced the screw for the tenth time. "If the antichrist exists.. should Jesus also exist? We just.. gotta find him.. it'll be just like a video game.." she spoke, nodding to herself. "You don't.. have to come, by the way.." she assured, looking over at the boy.

"Oh no, I know I don't have to. But i.. want to. Like you said, it'll be like a video game." He said, softly. "Plus, we both found this baby in that dumpster. He's kinda our.. joint responsibility. We're his parents now, I guess." 

Kenma took a deep breath, hardening his resolve and resisting the urge to just run back home to his soft blankets and cozy bed.

"No. We're gonna take this baby to Jesus together."


End file.
